God As Mom

The author writes:  I fully appreciate the religious beliefs of all of our readers, and far be it from me to tell anyone what they should or should not believe.

These are my experiences.  They are gifts that God has given me. I am amazed, astonished, and deeply grateful for having been given such a privilege. I put them out for you to consider, hoping that they may be of use to you in your lives.

God as Mom

Shortly after it was published, the Minister of our church asked me to tell the congregation about my book, The Kindness of God, describing my experience when I was a young man and God appeared to me.  Afterwards, I was sitting in the snack room.  My friend Joan came up to me, leading a group of five women, and said, "PAUL, WE WANT TO KNOW, DON'T YOU EVER SEE GOD AS A WOMAN!!??"  I started to reply, "Well, Joan, as I was just saying, the God that I met is neither male nor . . . . ." and there She appeared, standing directly in front of me!

She was standing in a garden, with trees and flowers in the background.  She had a broad, wonderful smile and a twinkle in Her eyes, as She looked at me and said, "Hi". She knew that she had caught me at an awkward moment, and I could see that She was having fun with it.  A torrent of goodness, kindness, graciousness, poured out of Her.  I was so stunned I could barely speak.  I wanted to finish what I had been saying to Joan, so as not to be rude, but I couldn't even get it out. The flood of goodness and kindness was so overwhelming that I couldn't speak; I just sat, leaning back against the wall.  After five or ten minutes, I started to feel faint and the vision faded, but I knew She was going to return later in the day.

She had large blue eyes, a broad, wonderful smile, and was so gentle and graceful and gracious.  Her hair was light brown, long, and held at the top and then down Her back.  Her complexion was fair and She was slim, about 5' 6" tall.  Her dress was blue, matching Her eyes, and was ankle length, sleeveless, with a small v-neck.  She appeared to be about 25 years old, and moved with an effortless grace, holding Herself very tall and erect. It was clear from Her demeanor that She was definitely in charge.  She radiated a spiritual beauty that was beyond words.  I have never seen such indescribable beauty.

Later that afternoon, I could feel that She was coming back, so I ran to the bathroom, locked the door, and sat on the edge of the tub.  She reappeared, standing in front of me and repeated her greeting, "Hi".

I said, "Hi.  I can see that calling you Father or Dad isn't quite going to cut it here, so what would you like for me to call you?"  She replied, "You reserve the word 'Mother' for your earthly mother, so I'd like you to call me 'Mom'."  When she spoke, Her voice sounded like music, and upon hearing Her ask me to call Her 'Mom', I broke down and wept.  She walked over and sat on the edge of the tub next to me and put Her arm around me.

After I had recovered and was able to think again, I turned to Her and said, "All these years, I've known you as Father or Dad.  Why the switch?"  She replied, "You have a large hole in your psyche with regard to your background, and I'm going to fill it.  Also, the women of today are feeling left out, and I'm going to change this".

Then She said,  "I'd like you to convey this message to everyone", which She gave me as an entire paragraph all at once, as it were. Yet, I could hear Her speak, and there was such poignancy in Her voice.  It's the same poignancy that I've heard in the voices of older women, speaking of adult sons, 'If only he'd call me sometime other than Mother's day or my birthday', the voice of a mother yearning for a connection with the child she has raised from infancy.  I heard in Her voice the same poignancy, a Mother longing for Her children. 

Here are Her words:

"PLEASE, I want to be involved in your lives, in the small everyday things, not just when difficulties arise or trouble appears.  I am, of course, always with you at times like these, but I am speaking of the small everyday things. For example, if you see a beautiful sunset, turn to me and say, 'Mom, look, what a beautiful sunset!'; or if you see a beautiful flower, say to me, 'Mom, look at this beautiful flower!; or if you see a little child, running across the grass in a park, and giving his mother a hard time, say to me, 'Mom, look at this beautiful little child!'.

Or, if you awake in the morning before sunrise, say to me, 'Mom, look, a beautiful new day is about to appear!'; or, if you see that it's a dark, rainy day, say to me, 'Mom, look, we won't have to water the lawn today!'; or if the day is bright and sunny, say to me, 'Mom, look, what a beautiful day we have this morning'. 

This is what I am asking of you."

Her message is so incredibly profound, and so simple!  By doing as She asks, involving Her in small events that are not emotionally burdensome, we make this connection with Her a constant in our lives; and then we have it, no matter what.

Since She appeared, I have felt Her presence constantly and my life is filled with examples of Her kindness and consideration and thoughtfulness. I talk to Her as friend and Mom, and our relationship is delightful; and love mingled with a wonderful peacefulness most nearly describes my feelings. She answers me again and again, often in words so clear that it seems my ear has heard the sound, and also in strong mental impressions.

I could give hundreds of examples, in technical matters, family issues, financial guidance, and so forth. She is a continuous presence in my life, guiding me and advising me with such kindness and faithfulness, in every possible way. The examples that follow are just a small sampling.

The Assisted Living Home

A few weeks after She appeared, we gave a ride to a friend who lives in an assisted living home.  I had never been inside one of these, and I was curious to see how things were.  My wife and son accompanied our friend to her room, but I decided to sit in the lobby and just observe.  I noticed how kind and friendly the staff were.

Seated to my right, in a wheelchair, was a very old man.  He sat slumped forward, staring vacantly into space, and it seemed to me that this was a man whose body and mind were simply worn out.  He was no trouble to anyone, just sitting quietly and staring.

Mom appeared, standing to my left about six feet away.  She looked at this man, and the love and affection that poured out of Her were indescribable.    It was like watching a mother looking at her newborn baby.  I realized that She saw his soul, and the love and warmth and affection that She had for this man were beyond description.

There were others there; I saw no person who could walk without a walker.  Mom just stood quietly as each person went by, and love poured out of Her at each and every one.  This continued for about twenty minutes; and then it was time for us to leave.  She was still standing, quietly watching everyone, as we got into the car and drove off.

At the Game Room

From time to time, I take our young son to a game room, which is part of a miniature golf course near our home.  They have a cabinet full of prizes that are awarded for a certain number of tickets.  One evening, my son spotted a prize that he wanted very badly, which required 150 tickets.  We had 90 tickets left over from prior visits, so we were 60 tickets short.

He began to play one game and won ten tickets; then five.  He moved to another game. This one has a lever on the outside, which, when pulled back, hurls a token to the back where it falls through a series of pegs to the bottom.  You can win between one and one hundred tickets, depending on where the token ends up.

He inserted a token; three tickets emerged; a second token produced another three.  So I turned to Her and said, "Mom, we need another 20 or 30 tickets so he can get the prize he wants so badly.  Would you please help?"  I heard no reply.

My son inserted another token; pulled back on the lever; the token flew crazily through the air, tumbling end over end, and rattled down the back; and fifty tickets came out of the machine.  I thanked Her, and then thought, "I think I'll have some fun with Her".  So I said, "Considering who You are, You could easily have made 100 tickets come out of that thing, instead of just 50".  She laughed, put Her hand on my arm, and said, "Fifty tickets are sufficient for your needs, and besides, I don't want to be unfair to the owner of the game".

We both laughed; I thanked Her again, and my son got his prize!

A few weeks later, my son and I were once again in the game room, and once again, he badly wanted a prize.  So we started with the ticket machines, and I said to Her, "We need tickets, but I'm kind of hesitant to ask You for help because I don't want to put You on the spot, because I know You don't want to be unfair to the owners of these machines".  I heard no reply. 

Then I felt someone tap my shoulder.  I turned to see who it was.  A young woman, perhaps twenty years old, was standing there with a big smile and two hands-full of tickets and she said, "Sir, would you like to have these tickets?"  I replied, "Why, yes, certainly, thank you so much for your thoughtfulness and kindness". 

I turned to Mom to thank Her, and She said, with a broad smile, "Surprised you, didn't I!!"  And my son had more than enough tickets to get his prize!

Does She feel Joy and Sorrow?

I recently received a review of the book in De Numine, published quarterly by the RERC, and a comment on the part of the reviewer troubled me.  He said, "If, as the author believes, these experiences are encounters with a personal and benevolent God who has great love for us all, then we must surely follow the reasoning of theologians such as Hartshorne, Moltmann, and Sobrino that any being capable of love must also be capable of anger and sorrow. In a universe of balance, you cannot have one without the other." Personally, I cannot agree with this, but this is what the reviewer said.

So I asked Mom, "Do You ever have anger or joy or sorrow, or stuff like that?"  She replied, "Certainly, joy and sorrow, but never anger.  Anger is invariably fear-based, and I do not have fear."

On Mistakes

"Honey, your mistakes are meaningless.  If you could go back in time, would you repeat your mistakes?  Of course not!  The only thing that matters today is who you are, your values, your ethics, how you relate to others, and how you relate to Me!"

Speaking of Wars

One evening, I was watching a program on the History Channel about the war between Persia and Greece, 480 BC.  She spoke, and there was such sadness in Her voice as She said, speaking of wars:  "They are almost always started by single individuals, driven by pride or lust for power, their perception of glory, or revenge."  She was speaking of the war between Persia and Greece, at the battle of Thermopolaye in 480 BC.  "Look at the map!  Persia had absolutely no need for Greece!  She had more than enough territory on her own!  The war was started because of the pride and avarice of a single man (She was speaking of Xerxes), and look at the cost!  The cost in lives, property destroyed, soldiers killed, children losing their fathers, families torn apart, mothers forced into prostitution to support their children, and LOOK AT WHAT IT DID TO THE SOLDIERS THEMSELVES!  Countries NEVER need to go to war.  They can get what they need through trade and cooperation!  Just look at Germany and Japan today!"

There was such sadness in Her voice as She said this.


I discovered recently that the writers of the Kabbala identified the feminine presence of God by the name Shakina, who was believed to be the presence of God in the Temple.  So I asked Her, "Would you like for me to call You 'Shakinah'?  She replied, "Oh no, I much prefer Mom".

Copyright 2009 The Kindness of God